im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize