His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
