How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm really busy with my period
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