I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
