Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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