it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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