omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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