Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
