He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
