Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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