i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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