your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
