he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
