so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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