My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
