your parents love me but you hate me
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My nipple is on Facebook.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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