i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
