I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
