you lied. pity sex is amazing.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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