So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
