I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
