Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
