i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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