I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
