I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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