I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
