i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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