Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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