i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
