She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
