I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
