I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
