Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
