There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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