i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
