I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
bring money and cleavage
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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