I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
