She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize