we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
