I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
