addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
