I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
