I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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