You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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