So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
