I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
