He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
