my mouth tastes like poor choices
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
