Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize