I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
