walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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