So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
