Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
