Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
