If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
