I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
