My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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