it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
