HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
