Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
