I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
