in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
