woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
