If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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