This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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