This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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