Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
